Top 10 Funniest Things That Ever Happened on My Ranch

After twenty-two years behind a bank desk I bought a ranch. These are my tall tales from Greeley country: hail, calves, elk and one very patient mare.

1. The Loan Committee Meeting in a Hailstorm

   I spent twenty-two years on bank loan committees before ranching, and the first meeting I ran on my own porch was ruled by hail.

2. The Calf That Ate Appendix C

   A bottle calf got hold of my three-inch application binder, and the missing part was exactly the part I had been dreading to write.

3. The Elk Who Joined the Credit Committee

   Forty elk filed into my pasture one dusk, stood in a half circle, and stared at me the way my old loan committee used to.

4. The Chinook That Mailed My Financial Statement

   A warm Chinook wind lifted my one signed statement off the truck hood and delivered it, page by page, to four of my neighbors.

5. The Heifers I Named After Interest Rates

   After a career of explaining rates to ranchers, I named my first six heifers Prime, Fixed, Variable, Balloon, Term and Spread.

6. The Rain That Followed the Form

   The day I mailed my drought paperwork it rained for nine hours straight, and now the whole county asks me to stop filing forms.

7. I Brought a Cattle Trailer to the Bank

   A teller recognized me from my banking years and asked about my new career just as a steer put his head out of the trailer.

8. The Dog Who Signed the Signature Card

   My border collie put a muddy paw print on the one line that said sign here, and the paperwork has been legally bonded to him since.

9. The Site Visit on Horseback

   The appraiser asked to see the far pasture on horseback, and my oldest mare had very definite opinions about his stirrups.

10. The Bull in the Conference Room

    Our county fair held a lending seminar in a livestock barn, and a Simmental bull took a seat in the front row and stayed.